Marko drags Red Bull back to Middle Ages: Up/down in Singapore

Is this real life or is it F1 2023? Zandvoort was crazy, Monza was tense, but Singapore was, from top to bottom, a good race – at long last.

The Scuderia finally got it together, its new understeer-y philosophy suiting the smooth approach of Carlos Sainz, while making Charles Leclerc looking somewhat indignant, his ‘pointy car’ superpowers neutered by the current SF-23’s less edgy direction.

The four-way battle for the lead was the ideal tonic to an intense dousing of taurine we’ve had the privilege to enjoy so far so far this year, but Red Bull topped its landmark run with a characteristic final flourish.

Here’s what was going up and down in Singapore.

Goin’ Down

Bull’s eye of the storm

The favourite anti-heroes of so many fans, Milton Keynes’ answer to Tracey Island went into full Marina Bay meltdown in Singapore, the ‘lads’ following up Helmut Marko’s latest helpful comments by having the quali from hell.

Marko blaming Perez’s inconsistency on his ethnicity was rightly greeted with a warning from the FIA, but the Red Bull F1 team didn’t issue an apology – instead one came via the fizzy drink titan’s official TV channel – because according to team boss Christian Horner: “He’s not an employee of Red Bull Racing [but is of Red Bull the actual company] .” Classy.

Verstappen’s offensive remarks in the past have snared an official complaint to the UN from the government of Mongolia and Horner has made some not-so-hilarious comments in regards to mental health – just carrying on in that Red Bull team tradition.

From there in qualifying it was Perez spinning, Max swearing – admittedly, all quite amusing.

Alan hits the wall

Poor Formula Partridge – after an at times trying 2023, it all seemed to be going so well in Singapore, until it wasn’t.

Clouted the wall and into the barriers on the final lap while challenging in the top three – ouch.

Stroll spiral

This season Stroll has been given the best F1 car of his career – and arguably his performance level has been at its worst.

The much maligned Canadian is capable of great things, with a pole and podiums to his name, but now seems to be in a down spiral, the nadir hitting with the Aramco driver’s huge crash in qualifying. He destroyed the car and was deemed not to be in good enough physical condition for the race.

Can he reset from here?

VAR stewards

Perez must have watched the Italian GP replay – similar to Hamilton biffing off Piastri in Monza and being given a punishment of basically no consequence, the exact same happened when the Red Bull driver took on Alex Albon for the final points-paying place in Singapore.

Slinging it up the inside of Turn 13, Perez knocked Albon out the way, losing the Thai driver another place as he had to negotiate an F1 three-point-turn.

The resulting 5sec slap on the wrist meant the Red Bull driver kept 10th – job done. Until 30sec penalties are introduced for such misdemeanours you might as well make it a free-for-all out there.

Goin’ up

The Lizard King

How to mix up sessions: Bernie suggested sprinkling the track in the past and we’ve had Pirelli compounds akin to cottage cheese, but maybe we just need more reptiles?

2023 FORMULA 1 SINGAPORE GRAND PRIX HAS ACHIEVED A NEW RECORD OF HAVING 4 LIZARD APPEARANCES IN ONE SINGLE FP1 SESSION FEAT. MAX VERSTAPPEN BRINGING BACK THE TEAM RADIO MEME FROM 7 YEARS AGO IN 2016!!! @Max33Verstappen @F1 🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎🏎😂😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/PMtvxTqolv

— ShawnTAN(같이 BET ON ITZY 말리 날아갈 수 있지) (@TanYiFengShawn1) September 15, 2023

Singapore is red

The Scuderia has been so battered in this column we considered bringing out a commemorative bookazine (Ferrari’s greatest… you finish the rest) but finally Vasseur’s flanneurs have stopped staring at the asphalt and done something.

Two poles in a row, and now a well executed victory to stop march of the Red Bull army. Never doubted them.

Happy families

At the same time as Carlos Jr took pole in Singapore, Carlos Sr’s Extreme E team was dominating the off-road series’ latest round in Sardinia on the Saturday.

The next day, when pequeño Carlos sailed over the line to take the GP win, but the old man’s electric team had been knocked out of Sunday’s main event, Carlos Sr stood up in his team pit in Sardinia to majestically roar: “Let’s ****ing win that [best of the Extreme E losers] Redemption Race!” They didn’t – ah well.

Lawson rising

While Ricciardo spends his latest spell on the sidelines, featuring in social media coverage of it in excruciating detail, Liam Lawson lit up the timing stands by being the highest placed Red Bull-affiliated driver in 10th, before snaring a brilliant ninth in the race.

The Kiwi is more than proving himself so far. Three Lawson Up/Down entries in a row now, though. Even if he wins next week, he’s not making it in.