Hamilton moans earn him F1 highlights reel – Up/Down in China

We know it’s difficult Lewis. We too were waiting for those IndyCar and WEC races to get going, climaxing in nail-biting finishes.

It was obvious you were desperate to get back to the private jet so you could whack on Eurosport, the dulcet tones of Martin Haven airily sounding over the crunch of carbon-fibre as yet another Hypercar binned it at Rivazza – and there was the Long Beach Indy battle to look forward to afterwards also! Thanks goodness they now show Scott Dixon and the boys duking it out on Sky. Lest we forget, this was followed by the Geico 500 at Talladega.

It was and is simply awful, having to endure that ‘mid'(young people phrase)-Mercedes with its confused livery and lack of redeeming features while being paid £650k a week – we empathise.

Still, chin up a bit. You’ll be doing it all again in Ferrari red next year, accompanied by ‘Question – we are checking – we are thinking Plan D etc’ chiming in just when you most need it.

Here’s what was going up and down at the Chinese GP.

The moantage

Hamilton had a trip down memory lane by starting on the front row for the sprint and did well to fend off Norris at the start before coming home second behind the AI – but later then took his silver machine back to its now-natural habitat of the midfield for the proper race.

The seven-time champ’s mantra of believing in yourself and never giving up hasn’t exactly shone through during Merc’s relatively recent nadir, which in reality has been for about 0.5% of his F1 career in total.

There were so many moans during Sunday that Sky actually made a montage out of it. A ‘moantage’, if you will.

Here’s a rundown of comments since the season – starting with some beautifully-backhanded praise.

Bahrain: “The car’s reliable.”

Saudi: “It was like I was in a different category.”

Australia: “This was the worst session I’ve ever had.”

Japan: “In general, the car was pretty bad.”

China: “This car is so slow.”

We look forward to seeing Hamilton’s ‘Positivity Masterclass’ podcast and TED talk coming out in his post-race career.

Brat attack

Meanwhile, Lance Stroll disasterclass in China – rear-ending Ricciardo under the safety car then complaining about his resulting penalty. It’s almost like you have to think and brake for yourself.

Viking off-course

Kevin Magnussen has struggled for form over the last two seasons. No reason to take it out on Yuki Tsunoda in Shanghai though, T-Boning him out of the Chinese GP like that.

Valtteri’s pain

Just when Alfa, sorry Sauber, sorry Stake, get it relatively right, Bottas’s Ferrari engine conks out when he’s on the edge of the points. Bet he can’t wait for the Sauber-Audi era.

Maybe just call it ‘sAudi’, joined up thinking for when F1 has two, maybe even three, races at the new home of motor sport.

Goin’ Up

Alonso’s long contract

Alonso’s regular heroics for Aramco Martin have been rewarded with a bumper contract extension taking him to his mid-40s – someone has to get the points for Team Silverstone.

He showed that again in Shanghai, overcoming a ‘non-optimal strategy’ (in Ron Dennis parlance) to race back up to seventh.

This all bodes well for when the Spaniard goes for Le Mans glory at 67 and Indy 500 at 75.

Putting ’em to shame

Norris put Perez to shame by finishing ahead of him to take a brilliant second in a far inferior car.

If only Lando had taken that Red Bull deal, maybe we’d have had a title fight on our hands this year?

“Whenever I finish behind Max it feels like a win,” the McLaren man said. Quite.

P1 Partridge

OK, P6 Partridge. While his team-mate has been bemoaning the state of just about anything, Formula Partridge has quietly got on with things, scoring the solid points for Merc.

Hülk smash (the top ten)

Paddock rumours brew that Hülkenberg will be off to sAudi next year (the team, not the country) to continue his non-podium record in slightly more stylish surroundings than Banbury (sorry Banbury).

He continued to show his single-point prowess by scoring another tenth in the modern-day Scuderia Italia equivalent.