Letters - If Only

Sir

I was fascinated to read DSJ’s account of his Serendipity Championship for cars that never were as I am President of the ‘If Only’ Motor Club which caters for drivers who might have been.

My members, now numbering many thousands, are some of the finest, if not the finest, racing and rally drivers in the world. Their only problem is that no one has given them the chance to prove it. If only team managers, even from pre-war days could have seen the obvious and contacted me, they could have dispensed with the services of such people as Moss, Clark, Stewart, Prost and Senna for I could have provided them with far superior replacements.

One qualification to join my club is that you must drive a company owned Sierra or Cavalier. Should you actually own a car then it must be a Golf GTI and it must be driven as though it were a company car. We meet at the local pub for a lager on the Tuesday following the TV showing of any Grand Prix, rally or sports car race. Over a few pints we analyse all the obvious mistakes by the current pathetic incumbents of the No 1 spots and decide which of us would have won if only we had been in the driving seat.

Out of season we have talks and film shows of famous races and rallies that our members would have won if only they had had the opportunity. Our most senior member, Albert Pratt — now in his eighties, regularly entertains us with stories of how he would easily have seen off that upstart Seaman as well as Carraciola, Nuvolari and the rest of them if only someone had realised what they were missing. His son, Ashley, vividly illustrates on film how we would never have heard of Clark, Hill and Surtees, nor Makinen or Hopkirk either — if only! The grandson who is another . . . . one of the same name is now one of our most successful active members. But then, he should be since his car has the magic GLX2.0i on the back as well as an ‘H’ registration.

If my members can get their hands on some of these cars that were never built then I would suggest to Messrs Senna and Prost that a dignified retirement now must be better than the inevitable humiliation to come.

Robert Soper
Tadcaster, N. Yorkshire.